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Never
give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then
bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
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If
it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10
minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better,
hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
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Always
leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a
chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
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If
my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't
open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a
paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in
case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my
limbs.
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If
you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is
the priority. I am psychic.
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Do
your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond
work.
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If
a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it
could mean a promotion.
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If
you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be
popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
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If
you have special instructions for a job, don't write them
down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use
confusing me with useful information.
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Never
introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to
know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.
When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will
identify them.
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Be
nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really
change your life and send you straight to manager's
hell.
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Tell
me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice
to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story
about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you
received for being such a good manager.
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Wait
until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD
have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost
of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
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When
you schedule a visit to our store, go ahead and make us wait
around for 11 hours before you call to say you are behind schedule
and cannot make the visit. Shucks, we only have to open in the
morning