Keep It Professional : Dating an employee or a subordinate
manager is never a good idea
By: Dr. John T. Self
At the time, it seems simple: You're attracted to someone at
work, and he or she is attracted to you. You share the same hours
and some of the same interests. You're both responsible adults.
But getting intimate with an employee or subordinate manager is
deceptively complicated. It can lead to everything from a loss of
respect among your staff to a sexual harassment lawsuit. In short,
it can be one of the most serious threats to a restaurant
manager's career.
Many foodservice environments have all the "wrong"
ingredients; a server/bartender staff made up of charismatic
employees, late nights and/or long hours, and a limited social
life outside of work. And if you pride yourself on having a
hands-on management style and being very personal and casual with
your employees or colleagues , then you probably know more about
thier personal lives than even their loved ones. They probably
think they know a great deal about you, too.
Add in that you write the schedules, assign stations, issue
reprimands and write-ups: In other words, you control the
situation.
Do you see a potential problem?
At some point in your career, you may find it very tempting to
have a drink, then date, or (in corporate jargon) "fraternize"
with your employees or subordinate manager. It might start by
accidentally meeting after work when you've stopped in for a
drink. It may be at a casual get-together when several employees
urge you to join them after a tough shift. Whatever the
circumstances, it often starts innocently enough.
Even more ominous is when you find yourself attracted to one of
your employees, but you believe it won't affect your work
environment. You may think you'll be able to keep it a secret.
After all, you are both mature and responsible. No one will find
out.
This is a fantasy. First, rumors will start. (There are no
secrets in the restaurant business.) Eventually, someone will
confront you. Panic will set in because you will have no idea what
to do about it.
There are really only two possible outcomes when this happens.
One is that you will fall in love and live happily ever after.
Given that even 50% of marriages end in divorce, how likely is
this relationship to succeed? The second and most probable outcome
is that you will break up. How difficult is this to deal with?
Think about the worst breakup that you've had with a
significant other. Pretty bad wasn't it? Now picture that
happening in front of everyone at work. At best, you'll be pitied
by the staff members who are sympathetic. At the worst, you'll be
the villain. And never mind the potential for humiliating or
embarrassing "episodes"...
To make matters worse, the employee could go to your general
manager or corporate manager and accuse you of sexual
harassment. She (or he) could say that she was only going out
with you because she feared she would have been fired if she
didn't.
You'll be angry. You'll be shocked. Even if your relationship
was totally consenting, you will most probably lose the sexual
harassment lawsuit. Think about it; once you start dating, your
employee or subordinate manager could also claim that he or she
feared losing his or her job unless you kept seeing each other.
Think about what that will do to your credibility and all of your
hopes and aspirations of promotion.
These situations can ruin you personally and professionally.
Don't allow yourself to get trapped in this lose/lose situation.
Keep it professional.
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